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>Corey Feldman shows off what he learned at the Never Land Ranch
November 5, 2010
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1991, PG-13
Written & Directed by Deborah Brock
Those rambunctious kids are back in school and back in trouble in a smash sequel to the 1978 worldwide hit. Corey Feldman leads a rock and roll rally at Ronald Reagan High, but must triumph over the evil plans of the school’s fascist principal, Vadar, who wants to halt the school dance and run their school like a prison.
A sequel to the Ramones’ classic Rock ‘n’ Roll High School!?!? Awesome!! More adventures with the mutant rocker mouse? Will we finally find out what happened to the bastard son of Riff Randal & Dee Dee?? Did Screaming Steve kick his junk habit?
NO!! instead we get this low-budget Corey Feldman vehicle, with a few of the original characters thrown in for “continuity,” such as B-Queen Mary Woronov revising her villainous role, this time as Dr. Vadar and sporting a robot claw hand (huh!?! … I mean freaking sweet)
It is a few years after Riff and the gang blew up the original Vince Lombardi HS and so much has changed. Well- maybe nothing’s changed per se but one thing remains the same, and that’s the unruly kids who have little to no respect for authority, but live only to rock and roll.
This new generation of degenerates is led by ‘bad-ass’ Feldman and his band of multi-cultural cronies (black guy keyboardist, crazy Asian bass guy & hott chick guitarist). The gang terrorizes the school, (now Ronald Reagan High!) especially on “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Day”, by dancing to rock music, throwing papers out of lockers and generally annoying the squares (preppy kids who like student council activities or something?)
The prom is coming up and Feldman and his band wanna play but Togar … I mean Dr. Vadar … won’t let them cause it’s like the devil’s music or something. So they get some advice from Mojo Nixon as the ‘Spirit of Rock n’ Roll’ and enlist the help of Eaglebauer (another favorite from the first movie, minus Clint Howard) who instructs them to simply change the name of their band (genius!)
At the audition, Feldman and the Multi-Cultural-Ettes play the worst-ever version of Fats Domino’s “I’m Walkin’” while Corey does his lamest Michael Jackson impersonation and – holy shit! the plan works. Sure the preppy kids hate the band (and who wouldn’t) but the “way-too-hott-to-be-teaching” teacher/ Feldman love interest thinks they Rock so they are in! But then in another convoluted shit-show plot twist, the preppy prom committee skanks, Whitney & Margaret, tattle to Vadar so their band Zillion Kisses gets to play the prom.
The whole thing lumbers along to the predictable climax. Will Vadar foil the cool kids’ plans and have a non-rocking prom? Will Zillion Kisses rock the fuck out of said prom or will Corey & the Rainbow Coalition butcher more, lame 50’s rock? More importantly will Feldman lay his super-hott teacher (Sarah Buxton)? Will I ever get my dignity back?
>A Cross-Country Road Wreck!
November 2, 2010
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In The Year 2000, Hit And Run Driving Is No Longer A Felony. It’s The National Sport!
Director: Paul Bartel
Writers: Ib Melchior (story), Robert Thom, and Charles Griffith
Stars: David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, Simone Griffeth, Mary Woronov etc.
A champion of a brutal cross-country car race of the future where pedestrians are run down for points has a change of heart while being hounded by rivals and a conspiracy seeking to stop the race. (IMDB)
In our end days of brain-dead knee-jerk politics and xenophobic paranoia, has there ever been a better time for futuristic death-sport? I think not. I, for one, would pay top dollar to see Tea Party yokels like Rand Paul, Sarah Palin and fatuous mouthpieces like Olbermann, Beck and Huffington strap themselves into a cross-country death race and feel the ‘G’s! It takes the vision of low-budget maestro producer Roger Corman and director Paul Bartel (Eating Raoul) to put a spin on America’s eternal favorite pastime- watching its citizens destroy each other in blood-thirsty patriotic competition. In this near-future spectacular, gladiator-style drivers race cross-country, scoring points for the most pedestrians flattened along the way. (Why is this not on TV?)
David Carradine (RIP?) is Frankenstein, America’s favorite folk hero and repeat race champion who credits his recovery from scores of near-death accidents to “good old Native-American know-how.” A stoic, mysterious figure clad in black skin-tight zippered S&M pantsuit and death mask, he is built for speed. Simone Griffeth, his newly assigned hot blonde ‘navigator’ (sidekicks paired with each driver) may be a double agent for the ‘treacherous French.’ In the meantime- we meet the range of over-the-top (WWE-style) cartoon drivers mugging for the media, including young Sly Stallone as hot-headed mob man ‘Machine Gun’ Joe Viterbo and Factory girl – turned Corman regular Mary Woronov as Calamity Jane. (Matilda the Hun and Nero the Hero meet their early demise in the race.) Announcers and politicians vie for airtime in a grotesque ‘Wide World of Sports’ pastiche, building hype for the annual event. And they’re off!!
With cars outfitted in fake teeth and death devices, they tear across America in high-velocity POV, as color commentators (including Don ‘Screamin’ Steve’ Steele from Rock ‘n’ Roll High School) fill us in. In this event, it has become a fan’s greatest honor to offer yourself as a ‘kill’ to your fave driver, and like clueless tourists standing behind ‘The Today Show’ set, they crowd the routes, waiting to become a statistic.
The ominous synth / 70s jam soundtrack and shoe-string magic marker titles aid the atmosphere immensely, as we see the racers becoming as paranoid as the public, always wondering who’s working for who. Soon the field of racers is reduced to two- Frankenstein and Machine Gun Joe. Frankenstein himself is planning to make the most of his presidential handshake at the finish line- he’s planted a grenade in his prosthetic hand. But his navigator uses the weapon early to blow up Joe – (“You’ll have to shift the gears for me now.”)
At the finish line, as the winner (Frankenstein doppelganger) takes the stage, packing a knife to shiv the prez (Sandy McCallum), she takes a bullet from a rebel assassin in the crowd. (the ultimate navigator sacrifice). The real Frank then takes out the figurehead in his accustomed fashion- driving at full ramming speed into the platform. Hooray for President Frankenstein! In an epilogue, we see him speaking to reporters with recovered navigator wife, intending to restore democracy and abolish the barbaric race. But he can’t pass up one more good kill- running over a pesky reporter (Steele) for old time’s sake. It’s good to be the King.
Corman’s exploitation chassis famously provided the frame for many emerging filmmakers (Scorsese, Coppola, Howard, Dante etc.) to hone their vision. In this case – Bartel’s wicked socio-political satire, presaging reality TV, “Freedom Fries” and the NASCAR/Tea Party nexus. It also has fast cars that blow up real good, and flourescent orange blood. Let us all learn as a society by its fine example.
ADD THIS CRAP TO YOUR NETFLIX
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Categories: Death Race 2000, Mary Woronov, Roger Corman, video, violence
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