>1994 – the year that the music industry apparently had nothing to offer
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When the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opens its doors to include films, I hope they have the foresight to include this seminal dreck from the auteur of Heathers and Hudson Hawk – Airheads.
The entire script is one meaningless cliché after another as this star-studded cast takes you on a trip almost as bad as the time period of rock it portrays. The “kill me please” soundtrack includes lost “classics” from Primus, Prong, 4 Non-Blondes & White Zombie (who make a live cameo) Don’t fucking believe it? – yeah well you better start, cause that’s how hard this movie fucking rocks!
It’s the classic story of Midwestern kid (Brendan Fraser) with dreams of stardom coming to the seedy underbelly of rock that is the LA strip – complete with ‘rocking’ demo that will make him an instant star. (Axl??) One problem – the slime-ball record exec Jimmy Wing (Judd Nelson) won’t listen to an unsolicited demo. Boo-hoo!
After the “girlfriend throwing out the deadbeat rocker” scene (one of the better moments since it includes Amy Locane wearing that lost 90s fashion staple – the bodysuit)
The “band”, The Lone Rangers, (drummer Adam Sandler & bassist Steve Buscemi) decide to go down to the local rock radio station to get its demo played on the air by resident cool shock-jock Joe Mantegna. (obviously) Oh and btw? They just happen to bring water guns filled with hot sauce that look just like real uzis. A series of wacky misunderstandings later and oops!, the dumb rockers are apparently holding the station hostage until their demo is heard.
The band also makes a bunch of odd and obviously “rocking” demands like football helmets filled with cottage cheese and a PRS guitar with dragon inlay (fuck – that rocks!)
The cops (captain Ernie Hudson + fat partner Chris Farley) arrive and just give in to the demands especially since there’s a crowd of cool kids starting to gather.
“Cause this is like to most rocking-est thing fucking ever. Wooo! Take over the radio station – yeah that fucking rocks! Play some fucking Candlebox instead of the corporate crap they usually play. Woo yeah!” Fuck!
The old (but still cool) rocking shock-jock lays down the “what’s up with kids’ music these days” rap, with the apparently “finger on the pulse” lead singer of a band who bring a freaking reel-to-reel demo to a modern radio station. All of this “drama” is interspersed with pointless scenes involving the un-cool owner (Michael McKean) + accountant (Michael Richards) changing the format from awesome rock to lame easy listening. (Boo! – Kenny G sucks balls, dude!)
Long story short :
Slime-ball record exec finally shows up with the magic record contract – but wants them to lip-sync ala Milli Vanilli – which no self respecting rocker will do (duh), so they trash the stage and dive into the crowd they’ve driven to a rocking frenzy! (wooo rock! yeah they fucking love us wooo! Wait did they even play, wooo! No, who cares! Woo Rock!)
Finally, they all go to jail (including the three girlfriends Locane, Siemaszko + Mantegna) and record the platinum album “Live In Prison” (did you also hear Johnny Cash’s corpse turn over or was it just me) and we finally get our “pay off” and get to hear the rocking demo (ugggh – I mean wooo)
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The Obsolete Sheet 